is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
