Will you blow on my dice?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm getting married
To pizza
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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