"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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