Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
