he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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