I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
