I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Farmville is her only friend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
