last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will be naked everywhere
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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