So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
