My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
