I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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