I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize