something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
