and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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