I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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