Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
