If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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