Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
