Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
