so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
