uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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