so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
