the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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