I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
