Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
