the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
