Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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