You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you inspire me to be a worse person
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
