If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
