the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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