don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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