I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
