It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
