I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
