yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
