I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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