He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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