sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize