For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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