3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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