New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
