hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
