cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
4 words: hood of his car
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
