Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
