Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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