u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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