Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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