just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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