look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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