Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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