i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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