So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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