yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
