Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
