Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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