some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
