sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if only i could text you this smell
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
