She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
