I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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