Michael Bay diarrhea
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
