Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
