it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
