She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize