Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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