I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
