R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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