Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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