I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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