I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
