Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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