I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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