Cold hands, warm shart.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
