peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
