Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize