apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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