I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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