This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
