Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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