someone threw a dead crab at me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
