Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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