Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize