I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
