OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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