You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
