He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize