when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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