Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
