did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
