Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
