so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
