I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
