Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
