we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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