Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
