He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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